Dutch Wedding Tradition: Bridal Showers
Where does the bridal shower tradition come from? A Dutch wedding tradition, of course, is where the idea of a bridal shower started!
In Holland, if the bride's father disapproved of her choice of husband he would not give a dowry. The bride's friends, knowing how much she loved her intended, would shower her with gifts. In turn, the gifts would then be used as her dowry. Often after seeing how her friends believed in the couple, the bride's father would relent and add to the "dowry".
Another version to the bridal shower story goes like this — A young girl wished to marry but her father disapproved. Her friends gave her gifts, so that she would not need her fathers dowry.
Dutch Wedding Tradition: Wish Trees
Another, Dutch tradition is a wish tree. In Western cultures, this would be similar to a guest book. At the reception, a decorative tree branch is placed on a table and paper with ribbon is placed along with it. Each guest can write a note to the bride and groom wishing them well. During the reception the couple reads each message aloud. As the bride and groom read the notes, they place them on the tree branch.
Dutch Wedding Tradition: Evergreen Reception
Evergreens have significant meaning in the Dutch culture. Evergreens signify "everlasting love". To symbolize this "everlasting love", the bride and groom sit under a canopy made with evergreens during the reception.
Dutch Wedding Tradition: Lily-of-the-Valley
One of the sweetest Dutch traditions is the planting of Lilies-of-the-Valley around the couples house symbolizing a return to happiness. This custom is supposed to ensure that the couple's love is renewed every year as the lilies bloom.
Of all the dutch wedding traditions, I like the last one the best. I think I will use the lilies-of-the-valley tradition as a housewarming gift for a newlywed couple I know.
After reading this I thought it was very informative. I appreciate you taking the time to put this blog piece together. I once again find myself spending way to much time both reading and commenting. What ever, it was still worth it 🙂
Hi, I'm attending a wedding in The Hague in June and wondering what the wedding will be like. I don't know the venue yet so am unaware if it'll be a church or non-religious wedding though I think the latter.
An Irish wedding ceremony is typically the same nationwide so I'm wondering how things will differ for the Dutch.
An Irish wedding dinner costs the couple about €50-60 per guest so the guests invited to the full wedding will usually gift money or a gift to the value of "cover your plate plus 50" so €100/120 for a single person or double that for a couple.
Guests invited to "afters only" will generally only cosy the couple a (relatively) small amount so wouldn't be expected to give over €50.
An Irish wedding generally follows this format for guests.
Pre Wedding Ceremony: Guests arrive at location.
Guests on the groom's side (family or friends) sit on the right and bridal guests sit on the left. The first few pews/rows are for the bridal party, then any other family or very close friends with more distant friends/work colleagues seating themselves at the back.
The groom and his groomsmen are already at the venue with the bridal party to arrive later.
11-1pm: Wedding ceremony begins. A church wedding is generally earlier than non-church to allow time to get from one venue to another.
Traditionally, but not always, a bride is 10mins later than the specified time.
If it's a Catholic ceremony, a traditional mass follows with the vows etc woven into the mass.
An hour later: After the couple are pronounced married, they exit the church/room through the centre aisle, followed by guests from front to back of the room (so family/close friends greet the couple first).
Formal photographs are then taken so, if it's a church wedding, the couple, bridesmaids, groomsmen and immediate family leave to have photographs at a pre-determined location. Usually a local castle/beach/gardens/place special to the couple.
This can take several hours so in the meantime, the rest of the guests depart the church for the wedding reception. If the ceremony and wedding are on in one venue, the guests will usually be asked to move to a different area where finger food and drinks will be waiting.
3-5pm: By the time the bridal party arrive back with the main guests, the drinks reception will be coming to a close and guests will be asked to make their way to the dining room. A seating plan is displayed outside the door and guests take their seats before the bride and groom.
When everyone is seated, an announcer will ask every one to rise and share a toast to the married couple as they enter the room together and make their way to the top table.
Dinner usually consists of a 4 or 5 course meal with speeches from bridal party occurring either before the meal or before the dessert.
Dinner is usually begun between 5 and 7pm so it is a long day for all attending.
After dinner, tables are cleared away and a band will begin to play. The first dance will be just the married couple dancing to a song of their choosing. In time they are joined by their bridal party, then their parents and finally by all other guests.
"Afters" guests usually arrive about 9pm
10pm: A side table laden with light refreshments put on etc sandwiches, finger food, cake along with tea/coffee.
Guests are expected to help themselves, buffet style.
The band will typically end at 11:30pm and a DJ will continue until 2am.
As most guests will stay at the hotel where the reception is on, some will go off to bed but the wedding couple and family/friends will usually then retire to the "resident's lounge" where a bar remains open and a "sing-song" can continue until 4-6am.
In recent years, there is a growing tradition for a "second day" where the couple invite the wedding party and other guests such as neighbours/distant cousins etc who hadn't been invited (or could not attend) the Wedding Day.
This is typically held in the evening after the wedding at around 7pm and is an informal affair. If the couple are staying in the wedding venue for a few days, this might be held in the hotel's bar but otherwise would be usually held in a local pub.
Finger food would be served and it's generally a time for the couple to relax and enjoy spending time with family/friends without the pressure of sticking to schedules.
Does a Dutch wedding typically follow a similar format or is there anything in particular that would be different?
Hi Tara,
Typically, before a Dutch wedding, they hold pre-wedding parties. During these parties, guests visit the bride's house and eat a traditional meal before proceeding to the venue location. The ceremony lasts between 20-45 minutes with live ceremonial music. Afterward, the couple and their wedding guests head to the reception area. There isn't a specific wedding gift that the Dutch give, but if the couple does not have a wish-list your safest bet is to give money (you can't go wrong with cash). Traditionally, the most honored seating position is either at the head or in the center of the table, with the most important guests seated first to the left and then to the right of the bride and groom, descending in order of importance. There aren't traditional after-the-wedding events, which is the biggest difference between Dutch and Irish weddings. Hope this information helps!