Dear Ask the Bridesmaid,
I am in a very tough spot for an upcoming wedding I will be in. My brother is getting married, and his future wife has asked me to be a bridesmaid. I'm honored she asked me, but the problem is that she expects us to pay for our hair and makeup. Which I wouldn't care about, except for the fact that it's gonna cost me $250!
That's stupid expensive, especially since I just got married, bought a house, and I know that it shouldn't cost that much. Like for my wedding, it was only $50 for my bridesmaids to get their hair done, and if they wanted their makeup done too, it would cost an extra $35. So to help out, I paid $15 each for the cost, and they all agreed to get their makeup done on top of that. I basically made it an option because I know what it's like.
What should I tell her because I need to save money, but I also don't want to make her angry or my brother angry?
– Hannah
Dear Hannah,
This is a very tough situation for you to be in. Knowing how important this day is to your brother and his future wife, it's understandable that you would be stressed about this situation. But, what you have to remember is that this day is more about them than about you. I know that sounds harsh, but when you step back from it all, it is their day. So, what's going to make you happy on that day and will allow the bride to enjoy this special day? I have a few suggestions that might be useful to you:
1. Ask to step down as a bridesmaid and offer to help out in some other way.
In today's society, there seems to be this underlying obligation that if the bride or groom has a sibling or siblings that they have to be in the bridal party. However, that doesn't have to be the case. Brothers and sisters don't always have to be a part of the bridal party to feel like they are a part of the day. You could offer to help with the guest book, help out with the reception, or make sure that all the guests have the send off supplies whether that be bubbles,
ribbons, sparklers, etc. There are plenty of ways that you can be a part of your brother's big day and not upset the bride. Just be sure to give her plenty of time to find another bridesmaid.
2. See if she would be willing to help with the cost.
Be honest with her. Tell her that you are not in a financial spot to really pay for the whole thing, and it would help out if she could help pay for it. If you don't feel comfortable enough to ask the bride to pay for it, then ask your brother. Remember, your brother is also getting married, and he was there for your wedding, so he should be understanding.
3. Ask if you could get your hair and makeup done somewhere else.
If you can't afford the place where your future sister-in-law is going, and you have a good friend or know of a place that you can afford, I would ask her if it's okay for you to go somewhere else. Most brides already have an idea of how they want their bridesmaid to get their hair and makeup done. Ask her to send you a picture of what she wants and take that with you the day of the wedding.
4. Simply do it.
If you think it's going to cause significant problems in the end, then go ahead and do it. $250 may seem like a lot of money, but sometimes it's worth it versus the conflict that could arise. What could also happen, is the bride may surprise everyone and pay for it. Sometimes they don't know how much their budget allows them to spend, and on the day of the wedding, they may have extra to help out. Also, the father of the bride may help as a gift to the bridesmaid for being a part of the big day.
At the end of the day, this is a special day for your family, especially since it's your brother that's getting married. Weddings are stressful as you know, but if you are honest and communicate your concerns then it will help make the day great! Hopefully this helps and the day is a great one!
Sincerely,
Aynsley
Bridesmaid, #AskTheBridesmaid Team
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