#AskTheBridesmaid – Do I Have to Pay for an Event I'm Not Even Going to Attend? | Celebration Advisor

Dear Ask The Bridesmaid,

I have been asked to be a bridesmaid for one of my best friends. We met in college, and I'm so excited for her to tie the knot! The thing is, I'm from Europe and live here too, and she's from the U.S. and will be having the wedding there. That's not the issue cause I've already got a plan to save my money to be there for the bachelorette party, wedding, makeup, hair, etc. The issue is that the other bridesmaids have decided to plan another bridal shower aside from the bachelorette party, made plans without my input or another bridesmaid's who live pretty far away too, and expects us to pay for this.

I won't have the time or the money to make it for this bridal shower. I've already bought a wedding gift for my friend to send over, but I just don't think I should pay for this shower that I had no idea about, didn't help with the planning, or will even be there. What should I do because I don't know what to tell them? Am I being reasonable in thinking this way?

Please help,

Tia

Dear Tia,

This is a tough situation to be in, and I have recently been in this situation a couple of times, actually. Most of my family lives overseas. I'm from the U.S. and most of the family lives in New Zealand and Australia. So when my cousins got married in October and March, I was worried about the different showers and bachelorette parties that they were going to have. Knowing what I have done for my friends here in the U.S., I wasn't sure what was going to be expected of me.

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What I advise that you do in this situation is just be honest with the other bridesmaids. Tell them that unfortunately, you won't be able to make it, and with you living overseas you have to save your money for the trip there for the bachelorette party and wedding. You can even tell them that you have a gift ready to send for the shower, so that you can somewhat be a part of it. Weddings cost a lot of money, not just for the bride and groom, but also for the people that are a part of the big day. It's okay to let the other bridesmaids know that you won't be there, and they should be understanding.

This is what I had to do for a bridal shower that was being done for one of my cousins. I was included in a group message, just like you, and I had to tell them, with the wedding being so close, that I wouldn't be able to make it. I didn' thave the time off from work to go to the bridal shower and the wedding, and they were very understanding. Another thing to remember is that you'll be able to help out a whole lot when you get there for the wedding. You won't have to go to work during the days leading up to the wedding like some of the other bridesmaids. You will have plenty of time to contribute towards the wedding in a way that's different from the bridal shower. So, don't feel guilty about missing this one event. Sure the FOMO is real, but it's okay, and the bride will be understanding, and at the end of the day, she'll be happier knowing that you made it for the wedding.