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August 5, 2009 by Celebration Advisor

How Do I Ask For Cash Wedding Gifts Instead of Presents?

Ask The Celebration Advisor: How could I eloquently ask for cash gifts and/or store certificatest instead of presents at the wedding? ~ Casey

The Celebration Advisor: Typically, giving cash wedding gifts is a big no-no according to traditional wedding etiquette. However, modern weddings are seeing a huge spike in the request for cash gifts or gift cards instead of presents. Don’t stress about cash wedding gift etiquette though! When you’re in a pinch and need to find out how to go about asking for cash instead, simply remember these things.

* You will want to make this request where you would have announced your registry. It is also a traditional duty of the maid of honor and best man to spread this information around. Make sure those two parties are aware of your wedding gift suggestion as well.

* You can politely request money without asking for cash outright which would likely offend older guests. Instead, list things like these where you would normally announce your registry:

“Bride and groom respectfully request cash gifts in lieu of wedding presents.”
“Bride and groom respectfully request cash gifts or gift cards to *your favorite ‘home’ store* in lieu of wedding presents.”

You can also substitute your name and your groom’s name for “bride and groom” as this will personalize it a bit. Keep in mind though that personalization is great for younger guests but maintaining a more traditional tone will help soften any offense that older guests may have.

* You can announce that you will be having a cash money tree at your wedding/wedding reception instead of wedding gifts. I have been to many weddings that prefer this option because it’s fast and easy. Still, guests should be warned in advance.

I hope your wedding goes as smoothly as announcing your cash wedding gift preference. Best of luck!

August 3, 2009 by Celebration Advisor

How Do I Seat A Single Grandfather At The Wedding?

Ask The Celebration Advisor: I am the Mistress of Ceremonies at an upcoming wedding, and I am having trouble finding the “proper” etiquette for seating a grandfather (grandmother not living). The bride want’s the other grandmother ushered in with her husband following; but in the case where there is just a grandfather and no grandmother, how does that work? Does he just follow the first set of grandparents down the aisle, or what? ~ Suzanne C.

The Celebration Advisor: Suzanne, this is (as you know) a rather interesting situation. In Christian ceremonies (different for Judaic), grandparents tend to be seated just before the processional begins. To ease the bride’s concern, here are “proper” wedding etiquette options for seating her grandfather.

**Since the bride’s grandmother will not be ushered by her husband, it is perfectly acceptable to have the single grandfather follow the others down the aisle. This will typically be the most acceptable and best regarded option.

**If the bride’s grandmother and grandfather were to walk together, the bride should ask someone to usher her single grandfather. This could be a female family member not in the wedding party (an aunt, a close cousin, etc.). It should never be a member of the wedding party as this would cause them to have “double duty”. Her grandfather may request to walk alone but the option should be provided just in case.

**Though it is less traditional to have a man walk first, you could seat the single grandfather first if he is the father of the mother of the bride. The matriarchal lineage dictates the order of the wedding processional, especially seating grandparents and stepparents. Even if his wife has passed, her grandfather may be seated before the set of grandparents. Again, this is a less traditional processional and should only be used if the grandfather or the bride is sensitive to having him walk alone.

July 22, 2009 by Celebration Advisor

Is It Ok To Wear Black To A Wedding?

Ask The Celebration Advisor: Hi, Is it appropriate to wear a nice style black dress (knee length) to a GA wedding. The ceremony & reception are indoors and start at 5:00 p.m. The mother of the groom & her mother shared that they didn’t think it was appropriate. I emailed the bride and she indicated that it’s absolutely fine & appropriate and that i would probably not be the only one wearing black.

We are from the north (Maine)and I have heard that it’s o.k. to wear black, especially if it’s in the evening. If the bride is fine, should i worry about what the brides parents might think? My thoughts are that black is in now, but i don’t want to offend anyone. I was hoping to get a perspective from the pros. Thanks for any
advice/feedback.~ Sharon

The Celebration Advisor: Wearing black? A woman after my own heart! The answer to your question is a simple one. Wedding attire etiquette is on your side with this one. Yes, it is now acceptable to wear a formal black dress (knee-length or longer) to a wedding. However, traditionally one would stray from black as it is a color reserved for highly formal occasions or funerals.

Though you are well within wedding attire etiquette to wear black, I would consider the mindset of the people at the wedding before making your decision. Southerners are big into the more traditional wedding etiquette and way of doing things. Therefore, the mothers of the couple will not be the only ones judging you based on a black dress. Southerners usually associate dark colors with funerals. Therefore even for an evening wedding it will not be well regarded in the South to wear black wedding attire.

If you are attending a less traditional wedding (which can be assumed since the bride is ok with it), you will be okay to wear black according to wedding attire etiquette. The bride is right that many women wear black to weddings these days so you will not feel alone. Just consider the understood practices of Southerners for this wedding.

July 21, 2009 by Celebration Advisor

Who Is Giving The Bride Away Now?

Ask The Celebration Advisor: My daughter is getting married.. her father is deceased, adopted father is not coming to the wedding, I am married now, my new husband and I are the one’s paying for the wedding.. there is an issue with who is walking my daughter down the isle or giving her away.. on her biological’s dads side of the family his oldest brother was to give her away and backed out at the last minute.. I have two son’s one of which is a US Marine and is being deployed the youngest son my daughter has issues with because she doesn’t like his girlfriend…My daughter announced to me that she is going to have her soon to be brother in law (grooms brother) give her away of course this is not setting too well with me… what advice would you give on this??? ~ Rosemarie

The Celebration Advisor: Rosemarie, great question! Modern weddings are seeing a lot of similar occurences so wedding etiquette has adjusted to fit the changing family. In the situation you are discussing, it is perfectly acceptable to find alternate options for who will give the bride away. If you are unhappy with your daughter’s choice, perhaps you could discuss options like these with her:

An important female figure in her life — More and more we are seeing mothers, grandmothers and important female figures give the bride away. This is especially common when issues with the fathers arise. Regardless of the issue with the father, it is entirely acceptable according to modern wedding etiquette for the mother or important woman to give the bride away.

An important male figure in her life — He doesn’t have to be a father but he can be a father figure. The mother’s brother, a brother, the father’s brother (if the mother has none and the father is deceased), a very close employer, a best friend and other men are fine. Though her brother-in-law could fit into this category, it is still possible to address other options with your daughter.

Give herself away (walk alone) — You’ve seen it in movies. It may not be ideal but having your daughter walk alone is also an acceptable solution. She may not have someone to lean on but she gets to be the complete center of attention. This is usually reserved for when no better option is available like the ones above or if both parents are deceased. In special circumstances such as yours, having the bride give herself away is not a bad option.

There is one thing that wedding etiquette makes no exceptions for when it comes to giving the bride away. The person who gives the bride away should not be a groomsman or usher. They should fill no other role in the wedding party. It is not proper etiquette (or very fair) to ask this person to do “double duty” during the wedding. Even if they would agree, it’s a definite Don’t.

I hope you and your daughter find an acceptable solution and are able to enjoy the wedding. What a wonderful time in her life! Best of luck and congratulations to you both.

July 17, 2009 by Celebration Advisor

Etiquette Matters: When To Send The Thank You Card

Here’s a good one. The party’s over. You want to send a thank-you card to the host/hostess. When should you send it? The simplest answer to this question is to send thank-you cards as soon as possible. You always have a window but it’s different for brides than for party guests. Here’s the difference.

Sending Thank You Cards After A Wedding

Most people do not expect thank-you cards to arrive quickly after a wedding because the couple is on their honeymoon. They know you’re busy. It can wait a week. If it waits two…or three…or four…they’ll probably think you’ve forgotten about them, returned the gift or didn’t like it.

So, you have a window of about two (2) weeks to get your kind words in the mail. This is not to say that you should wait until the very last minute and start filling out the cards two weeks after your return. Instead, avoid a lot of hassle by getting them finished a few days after your return. This will give you time to rest and recuperate but is still inside an acceptable time frame for guests.

Just a little tip: Thank you cards for wedding gifts/attendance/participation should always be mailed or hand-delivered. Like other wedding stationery, treat thank-you cards as if they were a prized possession for the recipient. After all, they are! They’re from you!!

Sending Thank You Cards After A Party

Again, the thank-yous should be sent as soon as possible. Party hosts like to receive thank-you notes within 1-7 days. Life is busy and hosts are understanding if they don’t receive a thank-you note right away. Many won’t expect the “thank you” at all. In this way, it’s an extra warm feeling when they receive your thank-you card.

Just a little tip: Thank-you cards for parties can be sent through the mail or hand-delivered. While email is the communication beacon of today, choose this option almost last (texting is the lowest on the list).

June 25, 2009 by Celebration Advisor

Seating Two Sets of Grandparents At The Wedding

Ask The Celebration Advisor: When you have two sets of grandparents for both the bride and groom, do you alternate seating the grandparents during the processional? or do you seat all the groom’s grandparents first, and then all the bride’s grandparents? ~ Erika M.

The Celebration Advisor: Great question, Erika! How lucky you both are to have both sets of grandparents at your wedding! According to traditional wedding etiquette, you have several good options depending on how quickly and politely you are trying to seat your guests.

Traditional Wedding Etiquette Seating Option: The general wedding etiquette rule of thumb with grandparents is to seat them as they arrive. This prevents them from having to stand longer than would be comfortable. This also prevents the hassle of figuring out who walks with whom, when and where they sit when they get there.

Modern Wedding Etiquette Seating Option: Seat your mother’s parents first, then your groom’s mother’s parents, then your father’s parents, then the groom’s fathers parents. Wedding processionals and seating always favor the bride and then the maternal side of both families.

Polite and Modern Wedding Etiquette Seating Option: If you really want to have your grandparents walk before the wedding processional, a polite seating option would be to seat the your grandparents first (both sets) then seat both sets of the groom’s grandparents. This is a spin off of the modern wedding etiquette option for seating that is very popular. However, this option is more in line with the traditional order of the processional and seating arrangements.

June 18, 2009 by Celebration Advisor

Etiquette Matters: Am I Required To Send A Wedding Gift?

Ask The Wedding Guide: I just got invited to a wedding. I work with the girl and we’re friends but we’re not super close. I’m going to be out of town that weekend and will not be attending. Am I still required to send a wedding gift? Sarah Lynn from Tulsa:

The Wedding Guide: Thankfully, this is a more cut-and-dried wedding etiquette issue than most would expect. The simplest answer is yes, it is polite to send a wedding gift. However, there are situations where it would be ok to refrain from purchasing a wedding gift. Here’s how you can tell pretty quickly:

Yes, Buy A Gift

I received a wedding invitation
I am good friends with the bride/groom/family

No, It’s OK To Not Buy A Gift

We haven’t spoken in years or many months
We haven’t seen each other in years or many months
I received a wedding announcement, not an invitation
I was told about the wedding but have not received an invitation
I was told about the wedding through a third party
I was asked not to buy a gift
The couple is accepting money only or has a money tree at the reception

In your situation Sarah Lynn, you received an invitation from a good friend. Your absence is unfortunate but wedding etiquette suggests purchasing a gift for the new couple. It is acceptable to give the gift to her before or after work or before your departure at her home. Perhaps ask to host the couple at an informal dinner at a time convenient for all and give it then. You can make the giving process as simple or lavish as possible. For that matter, the gift doesn’t have to be the highest priced item on the registry. It’s the thought that counts in this case.

June 9, 2009 by Celebration Advisor

Order of Wedding Processional With Divorced Parents

Ask The Celebration Advisor: What is the proper order of the wedding processional if the bride’s grandparents and groom’s parents are divorced? Does the bride’s paternal grandmother or step grandmother go first? Does the groom’s mother or stepmother go first? ~ Marcie W.

The Celebration Advisor: Marcie, great question! The order of the processional can be tricky, as can be balancing blended families, so it’s very important to make sure that no toes are stepped on. Thankfully, wedding etiquette is constantly evolving to represent the shift from nuclear to blended families. In your situation, the order of the processional isn’t as tricky as you might have thought.

Typically, it is polite to seat immediate family members as they arrive to the ceremony. This includes grandparents. In this way, there are no toes to step on with grandparents. (For seating advice, see Wedding Ceremony: Seating For Divorced Parents and Grandparents.)

With parents, the order of the processional is pretty similar. The host (usually the mother of the bride) is seated last. This is to represent that all of her guests have been seated first. This is true even if the bride and groom are hosting the wedding. So, the order would be groom’s stepmother (escorted by groom’s father or an usher), groom’s mother (escorted by new spouse or usher), bride’s stepmother (escorted by an usher), and finally the bride’s mother (escorted by her new spouse or an usher). Even brides estranged from their mothers follow this order but alter the seating arrangements.

The bride’s stepmother is seated by an usher because her husband (the bride’s father) is busy preparing to walk the bride down the aisle. He will join his new wife when seated, however, typically in the second pew on the left.

Wedding processionals, seating, and hostess duties tend to favor the bride, the maternal side of her family, and the maternal side of the groom’s family after that. Therefore, the order of the processional (if all family members remain amicable) is as mentioned: groom’s stepmother, groom’s mother, bride’s stepmother, bride’s mother.

Thanks so much for your question Marcie!

June 2, 2009 by Celebration Advisor

What’s The Etiquette For Inviting Children To My Wedding?

Ask The Celebration Advisor: [I need a ] nice way of saying “no children under 2” at wedding. ~ Karen

The Celebration Advisor: Karen, don’t feel like you’re stepping on toes by not inviting children to your wedding — or in this case — children of or below a certain age. It’s perfectly acceptable! Traditional wedding etiquette provides a few ways to make this clarification known without hurting feelings (theirs or yours!)

First, you can put only the names of the parents on the outer and inner envelope of the wedding invitation. This exclusion of “and family” or the child’s name should be understood as “no young children allowed.” It is highly inappropriate to put “no children” on the invitations. Some may not be as familiar with wedding invitation etiquette. If you get a call saying “we’re bringing our children too”, explain the situation at that point.

Though it is not appropriate to state this on the invitation according to traditional wedding etiquette, it is acceptable to include a small note (much like you would include a map with the reception invitation) that briefly explains that there is an age limit for the children in attendance.

If you want the parents of young children to come but don’t want their children in the actual ceremony or reception, consider providing guests with the names and numbers of local babysitters. Another option is to provide a nursery with babysitters for the duration of the ceremony. If the parents want to attend the reception, they may have to hire a sitter of their own. Depending upon the ceremony location, this can be a agreat alternative that still provides an age limit for the children at your wedding but doesn’t put a crimp on your guest list.

May 27, 2009 by Celebration Advisor

Order of Processional With Newborns in Wedding Party

Ask The Celebration Advisor: I need to know how that the wedding march goes. In this wedding one of the baby girls; a flower girl; is a new born and there is a little boy newborn and these two will have to be packed down the aisle. How would the match be performed? Please, we need help. ~ Pamela Sue, Stinnett Kentucky

The Celebration Advisor: Pamela Sue, thanks for your question! The answer is a bit tricky but I believe it will be very helpful when planning your wedding processional. Whether a religious or secular ceremony, typically the best man or final groomsman walks followed by the maid/matron of honor. Next comes the ring bearer first and flower girl next if they do not walk together. The bride follows.

Your wedding processional (obviously) is a bit tougher. While wedding etiquette uses these guidelines for the wedding processional, they are simply that—guidelines. If you would like to adhere as closely as possible to the standard order of a wedding processional, consider having the final groomsman or best man carry the ring bearer down the aisle during the processional followed by the maid of honor who carries the flower girl. Once they reach the end of the aisle, they may either continue to hold the babies, give them to the groomsmen and bridesmaid furthest from the bride and groom, or place them in carriers waiting on the front aisle. This order of the wedding processional does not conflict with any wedding etiquette guidelines.

Another option is to have the mother of the infant carry the child down the aisle while wearing matching attire. This is especially helpful if the mother is already in the bridal party.

There are a few things to consider when deciding who will hold the babies during the processional and ceremony. First, the maid of honor is responsible for holding the wedding bouquet when the bride is exchanging rings. The best man is responsible for keeping up with the rings before they are exchanged. If the best man and maid of honor are ok with holding a baby and a bouquet/ring, this arrangement will work just fine. Second, the first row is usually reserved for grandparents and parents of the bride and groom. They may make an exception in this case and choose to look after the babies during the ceremony or not. Either way, you have a lot of fun on your hands. But don’t worry. Your wedding processional will go along smoothly!