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Who Is Giving The Bride Away Now?

Ask The Celebration Advisor: My daughter is getting married.. her father is deceased, adopted father is not coming to the wedding, I am married now, my new husband and I are the one's paying for the wedding.. there is an issue with who is walking my daughter down the isle or giving her away.. on her biological's dads side of the family his oldest brother was to give her away and backed out at the last minute.. I have two son's one of which is a US Marine and is being deployed the youngest son my daughter has issues with because she doesn't like his girlfriend…My daughter announced to me that she is going to have her soon to be brother in law (grooms brother) give her away of course this is not setting too well with me… what advice would you give on this???  ~ Rosemarie

The Celebration Advisor: Rosemarie, great question! Modern weddings are seeing a lot of similar occurences so wedding etiquette has adjusted to fit the changing family. In the situation you are discussing, it is perfectly acceptable to find alternate options for who will give the bride away. If you are unhappy with your daughter's choice, perhaps you could discuss options like these with her:

An important female figure in her life — More and more we are seeing mothers, grandmothers and important female figures give the bride away. This is especially common when issues with the fathers arise. Regardless of the issue with the father, it is entirely acceptable according to modern wedding etiquette for the mother or important woman to give the bride away.

An important male figure in her life — He doesn't have to be a father but he can be a father figure. The mother's brother, a brother, the father's brother (if the mother has none and the father is deceased), a very close employer, a best friend and other men are fine. Though her brother-in-law could fit into this category, it is still possible to address other options with your daughter.

Give herself away (walk alone) — You've seen it in movies. It may not be ideal but having your daughter walk alone is also an acceptable solution. She may not have someone to lean on but she gets to be the complete center of attention. This is usually reserved for when no better option is available like the ones above or if both parents are deceased. In special circumstances such as yours, having the bride give herself away is not a bad option.

There is one thing that wedding etiquette makes no exceptions for when it comes to giving the bride away. The person who gives the bride away should not be a groomsman or usher. They should fill no other role in the wedding party. It is not proper etiquette (or very fair) to ask this person to do "double duty" during the wedding. Even if they would agree, it's a definite Don't.

I hope you and your daughter find an acceptable solution and are able to enjoy the wedding. What a wonderful time in her life! Best of luck and congratulations to you both.

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Intimate At-Home Weddings – What You Need To Know

Is An At-Home Wedding for You?

Whether you're saying 'I do' in your living room, or you're having a backyard wedding, at-home weddings are a challenge. A couple of weeks before our at-home wedding, our neighbor placed a big, honking boatlift on his beach. This wasn't any old boatlift. It was a rickety, rusty eyesore.

Outdoor Wedding Ceremony
I wouldn't have cared. Honest. It's just that my husband-to-be and I spent months getting our lakefront home ready for our backyard wedding. This involved adding flowerbeds, planting a truckload of ever-thirsty impatiens (more on those later), power washing, and even painting.

I envisioned my guests mingling on the spotless deck, cocktails in hand, a soft breeze from Lake Erie cooling their sun-exposed skin. I pictured sailboats in the distance, a beach free of garbage and smelly dead things and an unobstructed view of Fermi II (that's the nuclear power plant across the lake). I did not forsee a rusty, contraption of a boatlift to be part of the picture.

So, I traipsed on over to my neighbor's house and told him we were getting married and we were having an at-home wedding. And by the way, can you move your boatlift, because it won't look nice in my wedding photos? (The nerve of me!)

Our wedding day came and went, and the boatlift didn't budge. And you know what? It didn't matter. Not a single bit. I did not harbor bad feelings towards my neighbor, and he did not hold my temporary lapse of reason against me. In fact, the day before our wedding, he offered us the use of a wooden platform that we ended up using it as a stage for the Irish band!

Looking back, I can't believe that I was so petty. But that's what planning a wedding can do to you. Even a small wedding. It can make you crazy. Unrecognizable. The evil twin sister you didn't know you had can suddenly rear her ugly head. Heck, there are even TV shows about this kind of thing.

Wooden Bridge & Wedding Flowers
And having an at-home wedding can intensify the symptoms -especially if you are a perfectionist. There are so many extra details involved with planning an at-home wedding that it can be overwhelming for anyone – but especially those who have a penchant for perfection.

Not only will you be running around like a hen with her head missing trying to cross off the zillion things on your to-do list, you'll also want to make sure your home is extra-tidy, extra-lovely, extra-special for your extra-important big day. And that will take Effort. (Note the capital 'E' for emphasis.)

One of the first things Darin and I did when we decided to have a backyard wedding was head out to a local nursery to load up on flowers, and other bedding plants. In fact, we spent the entire spring and summer landscaping our property, which included planting dozens of flats of impatiens, as well as an assortment of perennials.

Through it all, I discovered a new passion – gardening, and I lost weight without even trying! (Hauling wheelbarrows full of earth day after day will get you in shape pretty fast!)I also discovered that impatiens and a scorching hot summer climate make for a very LARGE water bill.

Garden Pew Markers For Outdoor Wedding
Even though we were having our at-home wedding outdoors, Darin and I decided not only to landscape the yard – but also fix up our house before the wedding. This included stripping wallpaper, painting, stripping more wallpaper, and did I mention stripping wallpaper? We had plenty of help from family, but Darin and I truly busted our behinds trying to get things in order.

Of course, not all couples planning an at-home wedding spend months fixing up their place. Some people don't lift a finger on home improvements. If that's the case, planning can be a whole lot easier.

However, there are still things to keep in mind if you are planning an at-home wedding.

1. Toilets. It's probably the least romantic thing about your wedding, but it's probably one of the most important. No matter where you decide to have your wedding, you're going to need at least one. If you are having your wedding at home, you might decide that guests can use the washrooms in your home. But after giving it some serious thought, you might change your mind. If you are having an outdoor wedding, do you really want your guests traipsing in and out of your home? Can your plumbing system take the wear and tear? Is it possible that your septic system will be overstressed, causing a plumbing nightmare on the biggest day of your life? (Ever see Meet the Parents?) After doing some research, we discovered that port-a-johns definitely aren't what they used to be. There are new user-friendly models in a variety of colors. Not only are they more pleasing to the eye, they have sinks and flush toilets. Even though they are more expensive, they were definitely worth the splurge.

2. Neighbors. Warn them in advance and give them a heads up closer to the big day. They might even offer up their driveways for parking – or a portable stage! Be extra kind to them as you get close to your wedding day, so that they will put up with potentially high noise levels from your happy wedding guests.

3. Invite your caterer over before the big day so s/he can scope out your kitchen. S/he'll need to know how much space there is to work in – as well as fridge and stove details.

4. If you are doing the outdoor thing, rent a tent. That is, unless you have a huge tolerance for risk. (Which I do not.)

5. Hire a cleaning person to clean your home thoroughly prior to your wedding – not to mention after your big day. Unless of course, you have a lovely friend or relative who has kindly offered to take on this task.

6. Have bug spray handy. Citronella candles might provide ambiance, but they are useless when it comes to fending off hungry 'mossies'.

7. If your guests like to over-imbibe, be prepared: some might want to crash at your house. We had a pretty tame crowd at our wedding, but like any good party, there's a chance this will happen at your wedding. If you're not equipped for sleepovers, be smart and call a cab.

8. Enjoy the journey. Easy for me to say – I got married eight years ago. But, really, try not to sweat the small stuff – like boatlifts.

9. Give yourself a pat on the back for pulling it off. Planning a wedding at home is no small feat, but it's one of the most rewarding things you will accomplish. Raise a glass to yourself – (and to your neighbor) for a job well done!

Christina Friedrichsen is the author of Intimate Weddings: Planning a Small Wedding that Fits Your Budget and Style and owner of IntimateWeddings.com, a website dedicated to small weddings.

A special thanks to:

Photography by memoriesINtime, a Milan MO photographer, for the beautiful photo of a wedding ceremony in front of a lake.

Hollyhock Flowers, a Weare NH florist, who create the fabulous flowers decorating the wooden bridge in the second photo.

Petals-a-Florist, an Atlanta GA florist, who designed the sensational pew markers in the third photo.

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Order of Wedding Processional With Divorced Parents

Ask The Celebration Advisor: What is the proper order of the wedding processional if the bride's grandparents and groom's parents are divorced? Does the bride's paternal grandmother or step grandmother go first? Does the groom's mother or stepmother go first? ~ Marcie W.

The Celebration Advisor: Marcie, great question! The order of the processional can be tricky, as can be balancing blended families, so it's very important to make sure that no toes are stepped on. Thankfully, wedding etiquette is constantly evolving to represent the shift from nuclear to blended families. In your situation, the order of the processional isn't as tricky as you might have thought.

Typically, it is polite to seat immediate family members as they arrive to the ceremony. This includes grandparents. In this way, there are no toes to step on with grandparents. (For seating advice, see Wedding Ceremony:  Seating For Divorced Parents and Grandparents.)

With parents, the order of the processional is pretty similar. The host (usually the mother of the bride) is seated last. This is to represent that all of her guests have been seated first. This is true even if the bride and groom are hosting the wedding. So, the order would be groom's stepmother (escorted by groom's father or an usher), groom's mother (escorted by new spouse or usher), bride's stepmother (escorted by an usher), and finally the bride's mother (escorted by her new spouse or an usher). Even brides estranged from their mothers follow this order but alter the seating arrangements.

The bride's stepmother is seated by an usher because her husband (the bride's father) is busy preparing to walk the bride down the aisle. He will join his new wife when seated, however, typically in the second pew on the left.

Wedding processionals, seating, and hostess duties tend to favor the bride, the maternal side of her family, and the maternal side of the groom's family after that. Therefore, the order of the processional (if all family members remain amicable) is as mentioned:  groom's stepmother, groom's mother, bride's stepmother, bride's mother.

Thanks so much for your question Marcie!

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Top 8 Tips For Planning A Wedding Without Breaking The Bank

Did you know that the average wedding costs over $23,000? While there is no shame in spending more or less than this, the averaged wedding costs can still add up quickly. Most brides overshoot their wedding budget goals by as much as 15%! To avoid breaking the bank with your wedding planning, here are some budget-friendly tips for brides-to-be!

Wedding Budget Tip 1:  Avoid The Busy Season

The majority of weddings occur between May and October. In fact, October is the new June. Late fall weddings and winter weddings are beautiful and allow brides to reduce costs by catching vendors and wedding supplies when they're not in great demand!

Also, consider marrying on a Friday or throughout the week. Marrying on a weekday may be less traditional, but it's a fun and unique way to make your ceremony special (and save money!). Weekend weddings are great but reception halls charge the most for Saturday evening weddings. By marrying on a Friday, you'll be able to save on the reception costs, enjoy great options for the ceremony location, and spend a three day weekend with your groom!

Wedding Budget Tip 2:  Pass Up The Dessert Tray

Wedding cakes are a huge reception expense. Since this is the most important piece at the reception, no bride wants to cut it out completely. Instead, opt for a smaller wedding cake. Also consider a cupcake wedding cake. This tasty trend allows guests to enjoy a small portion of the same great flavor. The biggest treat for you? Cupcake cakes usually run about $60 compared to hundreds for a traditional wedding cake.

If a smaller version of your dream cake won't feed everyone, consider having a sheet cake of the same flavor along with your wedding cake. An evening of dancing, drinks and good food doesn't leave much room for dessert. Consider passing up extra dessert options which quickly add up (on the hips as well)!

Wedding Budget Tip 3:  Go Green With The Wedding Flowers

Opt for more greenery in the reception arrangements. Most guests won't know which flowers are in or out of season so trim the cost of your wedding flowers by using more greenery. The wedding ceremony flowers are a beautiful addition to the ceremony but remember that this is where guests spend the least amount of time. Most spend more time at the reception so consider putting the budget emphasis on your wedding reception flowers instead.

Wedding Budget Tip 4: Go Green With The Wedding Invitations

In the age of technology and conservation, eco-friendly wedding invitations are a big perk. If you want to send standard wedding invitations, consider replacing the RSVP cards with a note on the invitation that asks guests to RSVP at your wedding website. Wedding websites will save a ton on less important wedding stationery. (Oh, and invitation liners are unnecessary. You're breaking no etiquette by opting out on these.)

Wedding Budget Tip 5:  Double Up With Wedding Favors

Wedding favors are a must-have for most brides according to traditional wedding etiquette. Wedding favors can be practical and functional though! Consider favors that double as place cards or serve a purpose after the wedding. Personalized bottles of bubbles serves as wedding favors and can be used instead of tossing rice or bird seed after the ceremony.

Wedding Budget Tip 6:  Opt For A Cocktail Reception

This is a good way to glam up your reception without spending lots of money on food and decorations. Waiters carrying trays of hor d'oeuvres is a glamorous look and a frugal choice for brides. Many wedding caterers have their own wait staff, so consider hiring a local caterer with wait staff for a glamorous but easy-on-the-wallet reception.

Wedding Budget Tip 7:  Buy The Music, Not The Band

A band at the wedding is always fun, but consider a single musician or a dj instead. Going this route with wedding reception entertainment will save costs simply because you're paying for one person instead of multiple people.

Wedding Budget Tip 8:  Share The Menus

Instead of giving each guest a menu at the reception, opt for one or two per table. These can look elegant when placed between beautiful table settings or when stood on either side of the table's centerpice. This saves paper and printing costs plus adds to the decor of the table.

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Why does the bride stand to the left of the groom?

While at a wedding Saturday, my husband asked me why the bride stands on the left. Traditionally, you will see the bride stand to the groom's left during most American & Western wedding ceremonies. My reply was "it's a tradition."  Then I stated wondering where this wedding tradition came from so I did a little research on the subject.

History points to the "marriage by capture" era as initial reason for this wedding tradition.  Then the middle ages seem to have played at large part in the solidifying the tradition.  In the early age of civilization, people lived in tribes.  Often the men in these tribes would steal women from the other tribes and force them to marry. The stealing tribesmen would fight off the "bride's" tribesmen with their right hands whilst holding the "bride" with their left.  In the middle ages a knight wore his sword on his left side to be able to draw it with his right hand.  If he needed to draw his sword during the wedding ceremony, the knight would not want to draw his sword toward his bride but away from her.  Hence, the bride had to be to his left.

Biblically speaking we could attribute it simply to the idea that women and men were separated in the early churches.  The woman sat on the left side of the church and the men on the right. Some say that scripture could be interpreted that the bride should be on the left.

It seems that this wedding tradition has been claimed by many with a variety of reasons.  It may have begun the moment men and women sought a commitment to each and continues on today many, many millions of wedding ceremonies later.

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Are You Ahead of This Filmatic Wedding Trend?

Kudos to you if you already know that the hottest thing going in wedding trends is the desire for a videographer.  That's right, ladies and gents. Wedding videographers are thunderously gaining popularity because of what their presence brings to the wedding—and allows the newlyweds to take away.

Wedding videographers are awesome because pictures are only worth a thousand words. Imagine the conversation you could have watching the video of your wedding with your family, friends, children and grandchildren. Instead of feeling like they were not and can't be a part of your wedding, these people can now feel like they had a front row seat at your ceremony. They are able to watch you and your wife/hubby go through the entire process. You can just see it now…

…your voice cracking as emotions sweep you while exchanging the wedding vows.

…tears streaming down your face as you hear their sweet words to you.

…the excitement on your face as you hear "I now pronounce you man and wife."

…the kiss. Oh that first kiss as husband and wife!

Now imagine watching it again and reliving those moments for yourself. Picture your children throwing popcorn at you as you tear up again. "Oh, mooooom!" "Dad, you big weeny!" Picture the first anniversary as a married couple. Sitting eating the rest of the top tier of your wedding cake while watching your wedding video. Sounds like a great date to me!

How is all of this possible? Wedding videographers make these grand moments possible when they capture every intimate detail of your wedding. Every laugh, every tear. It's all on video for you to relive over and over again with the people you love. As far as wedding trends go, this is one you can't miss.

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Check This Off Your Wedding Planner–Wedding Payment Roles

I get tons of questions asking me who pays for what regarding the wedding. Does the bride pay for this? Can I pay for that? Can I ask someone to pay for this? Is it ok that the bride's family isn't paying for the wedding? Though a small novella would answer all of these questions, here is a simple checklist to let you know the traditional roles in paying for the wedding. Thank you, Emily Post.

Who Pays For What? — Traditional Expenses of The Bride or Bride's Family

  • The wedding consultant (wedding planner or wedding coordinator)
  • Wedding invitations, enclosure cards, announcements (all wedding stationery)
  • Wedding flowers which includes the bridesmaids bouquets, wedding bouquets, and any floral decorations for the ceremony and reception.
  • Wedding photographer and photographs
  • Wedding videographer and video
  • Any music used during the ceremony and reception
  • The entire reception (yup, this is the bride's responsibility in full)
  • Bridesmaids gifts and attendants gifts
  • The groom's wedding ring
  • Carpet for the aisle, rental of awnings, etc.
  • Cost of soloists and other wedding ceremony musicians/entertainment
  • A traffic officer if necessary
  • The bridal party's transportation to the reception
  • Transportation and lodging for officiant if invited by the bride's family
  • Any accommodations (lodging, fees) for the bridesmaids and attendants
  • Sexton fees

Who Pays For What? — Wedding Expenses of The Groom or Groom's Family

  • The marriage license
  • Grooms gift to his bride
  • Gifts for groomsmen, ushers, etc.
  • Formal wear accessories for groomsmen if not part of the clothing rental package
  • In some regions, the bridal bouquet
  • The bride's going-away corsage
  • Boutonnieres for the groomsmen, ushers, etc.
  • Officiant's fee or donation (this is always a groom's fee and is different than accommodations)
  • Transportation for groom and best man to and from the ceremony
  • The honeymoon package and expenses(yup, bride gets the reception, groom gets the honeymoon)
  • The rehearsal dinner
  • Accommodations for groomsmen, ushers, etc.
  • Bachelor dinner if one is being held
  • Transportation and lodging for groom's immediate family
  • Corsages for immediate members of both families unless bride includes these in her wedding flowers package
  • The bride's engagement ring and wedding ring

Who Pays For What? — Wedding Expenses of the Bridesmaids or Honor Attendants

  • Apparel and all accessories
  • Transportation to and from the city where the wedding is being held
  • Contribution to a group gift from the bridesmaids to the bride if being given
  • An individual gift to the couple if given (being in the wedding may be considered one)
  • A shower or luncheon for the bride if held

Who Pays For What? — Traditional Expenses of the Best Man or Ushers

  • Individual wedding attire rental
  • Transportation to and from the city where the wedding is being held
  • Contribution to a group gift from the groomsmen to the groom
  • An individual gift to the couple if given
  • A bachelor dinner or luncheon if held

Who Pays For What? — Traditional Expenses of Out Of Town Guests

  • Transportation to and from the wedding
  • Lodging expenses
  • Wedding gift

This may seem like a lot to absorb at one time. Don't worry about it! Print this list off and keep it for later. I hope this is helpful when you're creating the budget for your wedding. It's always nice to know who pays for what!

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5 Tips You Whould Use When Choosing Your Wedding Colors

It might be the most frequently asked question of the wedding season, “So, what are your wedding colors?”. As if you haven’t toiled over it enough already. The truth is choosing wedding colors is much easier than you think. The key to creating a stylish and successful wedding color combo is recognizing the relationship amidst the hues. No, you don’t need an Art Degree to apply the ideas. Here’s how you start:

1. Consider the Site. When deciding on colors used for the wedding, it is wise to play up prominent colors offered by your wedding venue. For example, a church layered with burgundy and navy carpet isn't going to be complimentary setting for lime green and hot pink bridesmaid dresses and bouquets. It simply won’t quite cut it. Instead opt for rosey, blue and cream shades or even burgundy and gold. Selecting complimentary colors makes for a much better wedding color and venue combo.

2. Let The Season Be Your Guide. Mother Nature knows best, so take her advice. The fact is all colors can be used year round. However, it’s the shade of the color that matters from season to season. Light pastel hues are perfect for spring and summer weddings. These same colors can look washed out and inappropriately "springy" in winter months. Reserve the darker shades like burnt orange and hunter greens for fall and winter.

3. Visit the Hardware Store. DON’T go buy a jig saw and start making DIY Wedding Decorations. DO visit the paint section. Paint swatches are a great way to see an entire color palate right down to the exact hues you desire. Pick up a few and stick them in your purse while making wedding arrangements.

4. Pair Colors By Personality. Choose colors that have the same color intensity like baby blue and lavender, rather than baby blue and dark purple. You don't want a vibrant color overpowering a soft delicate color.

5. Consider Your Friends. Remember, not all colors are easy to wear and you have bridesmaids to dress. Think of them when considering whether to have "sunburst orange" bridesmaids’ dresses. If your bridesmaids are washed out or look ghastly in the color you choose, all eyes will be on them in horror instead of on your with admiration.

Keep these 5 tips in mind when choosing your wedding colors and you’ll be ready to go … without any mortified bridesmaids!

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Honoring Others on Your Wedding Day With Decorations

Your wedding is a great time to honor people who have had a major impact on your life. While it’s true the focus should be on the bride and groom, none of us would be where we are without the help and inspiration of others. Consider honoring parents or grandparents who have been married many years by using candles as a wedding decoration.

My parents had been married 52 years and my fiance’s parents had been married 48 years when we got married. To thank them for the example they had been to us, we used 100 white candles of various shapes and sizes as a backdrop to our wedding ceremony. We used crisp white tablecloths on tables that would accommodate that number of candles, and we explained what the candles represented in our wedding program.

It was very meaningful to us, especially during the ceremony, as we spoke our vows and committed ourselves to one another. We found encouragement that those before us had made the same commitments and had honored those over time. And we were able to show gratitude to our parents for their commitments to one another. This would also be a great way to honor a family member or friend who has passed away. Instead of letting that person’s absence sadden you, having a tangible way of remembering and honoring them as part of the ceremony is a great way to keep focused on the joy of your wedding day.

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Selecting Locations For Your Wedding Photo Shoot

Your ceremony and reception location usually determine where your wedding photographs are taken. However, skilled wedding photographers also have an eye for detail and can see beautiful shots in many different locations.

Outdoor wedding photography is very popular with modern couples. These photos can capture many unique occasions such as strolling through an elaborate garden, enjoying the architecture in front of a cityscape, and exploring quiet streets together. Discussing alternative locations with your wedding photographer is a great way to get fun photos of the wedding party and romantic photos with your groom.

Indoor wedding ceremonies also produce excellent photos. Thanks to digital wedding photography, amazing wedding photos are just a few clicks away! Many photography techniques enhance indoor photos as well. For instance, black and white wedding photos have a uniquely soft appeal. This is just one of many ways that wedding photographers make the most of the location and the event.

Destination weddings produce some of the most amazing wedding photos. Destination wedding photographers use the unique landmarks at the ceremony and reception to enhance the joy of the day. Churches adorned in gothic architecture can be as beautiful as tropical cabanas. Highly famous landmarks also make for truly unique wedding photography. Imagine kissing your groom with the St. Louis arch gracing the background or showing off your wedding gown in front of the Bellagio Fountains in Las Vegas. What a trip!

Depending on the style of photos that you want, discuss the location of your wedding photo shoot with your photographer. This will ensure that you get unique wedding photos and have fun taking them!

2025 Wedding Trends

Next year’s trends are all about blending personal touches with bold, unapologetic choices. From fashion-forward outfit changes to ditching those awkward traditions (looking at you, garter toss), couples are making their weddings feel more them than ever before. 

7 Tips: Hosting for the Holidays

The holiday season is all about joy, togetherness, and celebration. But let’s be honest—it can also be a little stressful, especially if you’re the one hosting. Whether you’re planning an intimate dinner with family or a lively party with friends, these tips will make hosting for the holidays a breeze!

Hosting 101: Tips for a Seamless Event

Hosting an event can be a rewarding experience, but it requires detailed planning and execution. Whether you're organizing a party, shower, holiday dinner, or just a casual get-together, it's important to ensure everything goes according to plan so that your guests have a great time, and *bonus* you come across as a hosting pro! To make this easier, we've outlined some tips to help you host your next event with confidence.

Winter Wedding Tips

Breaking news… winter weddings are our latest love affair! The days are shorter and the nights are colder, but winter weddings are full of romance and have a uniquely magical essence.