Ask The Celebration Advisor: I am divorced and my ex husband wants our children to be in his daughter's wedding. The issue is this: He wants the kids to wear certain outfits to the wedding and he feels like I should have to pay for them. I feel he should since it is his daughter's wedding. What is wedding etiquette in this situation? Andrea
Celebration Advisor Reply:
Normal etiquette dictates that parents of children included in the wedding party are responsible for the clothing and transportation. However, your case turns a black issue into a gray one. A common sense approach would say – since he is their parent and it is his daughter's wedding, your ex-husband should pay for the outfits.
However, he may want more than a common sense resolution to this dilemma. I suggest viewing this case as you would other child compensation issues when it comes to special events that involve only one parent. For example, who would pay for the snorkeling gear for a beach vacation the children take with you. On the flip side, who would pay for the ski outfits for a skiing vacation the children take with him. This situation should be approached the same way and will satisfy proper etiquette rules at the same time.
Hopefully, you and your ex-husband will be able to come to fair and equitable terms.
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You could also consider splitting the costs. Perhaps one parent could pay for the dress and the other could pay for the shoes. I encourage you to remember that it should be a fun experience for the children and both parents will have wonderful memories (and pictures) of your children.
Chief Princess has a good point.