Ask The Celebration Advisor: My fiance and I are very close, but I’m as big a fan of his sisters. I feel like I probably should include them in my wedding party but I don’t really want to. What are the rules on this? ~ Mallory B in Largo FL
The Celebration Advisor: Nope, you sure don’t. BUT–and it’s a pretty big But–it’s expected in many families. Wedding etiquette is pretty solid about this. It’s that pesky human element that makes discussing this with your groom so important.
If your groom has only one or two sisters, it may be a negative reflection on you to not include them. So before you get those “why can’t she spare just one spot for her new sister” glares, consider whether hurt feelings will affect your new in-laws before making your decision. Wedding etiquette is on your side, but these will be your in-laws forever.
Another idea that may spare you a lot of problems is to include his siblings in other roles. For instance, sisters of a young age can be flower girls, guest book attendants, candle lighters and other roles. These are significant enough for the girls to feel special but you will not have to sacrifice bridesmaids spots.
If his sisters are older, it gets a bit more complicated. You can still offer to have them serve as wedding attendants but not necessarily members of the immediate wedding party.
The most important thing is to discuss this with your groom. If he seems sympathetic, use that to your advantage by placing your new sisters in a lesser role. If he seems offended or stresses that they may be, you may have to compromise on this and use them in your wedding party. He knows his family the best and wants to make you happy. With both of those things weighing on his decision, it should be a very good one when he finally addresses the issue.
Oh, and remember that this particular wedding etiquette issue works both ways. The same should be considered if the groom is asked to include his fiancee’s siblings in the wedding party.
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