Ask The Celebration Advisor: Hi: Regarding Party Favors at a reception only event.
I have a cousin, who just told the bride, that there is a new trend in party favors. In lieu of giving out party favors, the couple "donate to their favorite charity"
I am questioning this, because, first and foremost, this relative is NOT a wedding planner, nor does she have any background in weddings other then being a "guest."
I desperately need your advice, because the bride is from another country and has selected this "relative" to be her "wedding planner"
HELP Helen from Los Angeles Ca
Many many thanks.
PS: We are a American-Japanese family. And I know that most of the relatives will be expecting a "token" favor.
The Celebration Advisor:
Donating to a charity is a very admirable thing to do. Many couples are choosing to forgo the wedding party favors in lieu of a charitable donation. While wedding favors are not a requirement, many couples give favors as a way to thank guests for participating in their day. Many cultures believe the bride and groom must give guests a token of their appreciation. Therefore the culture of the families involved dictates the proper etiquette concerning wedding favors. For example, in Mediterranean countries the wedding favors are Jordon almonds which represent the bitter and sweet sides of marriage.
In the Japanese culture wedding guests are thought to bring luck with them for the bride and groom and thus should be given a gift (favor) in return. I doubt that a charitable donation as a wedding favor would be deemed an appropriate gift in the Japanese culture.
Although it is nice to have family help plan your wedding, knowing the etiquette that governs all parts of the wedding is crucial. It is essential that you follow proper etiquette so as not to offend any of your guests. That is why professional Los Angeles wedding planners are well versed in several cultures and their wedding traditions and etiquette. This gives them the ability to incorporate contemporary fads with cultural wedding traditions.
I would highly recommend that your cousin consult a local Los Angeles wedding planner that can work with your family "wedding planner" to combine cultural wedding favors and etiquette with contemporary ideas.
If your cousin really likes the idea of a charitable donation party favor, I would combine it with a bag of candied almonds or chocolates. This way the bride gets what she wants without offending her guests.
Your reply and advice is very very much appreciated. I needed the "back up" from someone professional. I will follow your advice and tell my cousin that while her help is fine, the bride should seek a professional wedding planner,one who knows the trends and can also blend in more importantly, the different cultures, and will use your advice as my backup.
Again, you are a lifesaver!
Helen
It's always important to consider the formality of the wedding also. The tendency of the wedding guests to rely on traditional values plays a huge role in every part of the wedding, especially things like selecting wedding favors. Here's what I mean.
If your family is more traditional (more inclined to follow Japanese wedding traditions), wedding favors are a must. They can be simple or elaborate. That choice is the bride's but the favors are definitely a must-have at the wedding reception.
If your family is less traditional (more inclined to follow American wedding traditions while incorporating some Japanese culture), wedding favors could go either way. You could do what is suggested here and provide both (excellent suggestion) or you could opt for one or the other.
Americans are very picky. We like receiving gifts at the wedding but we don't want trinkets that we'll throw out later. We're less worried about the "thank-you" involved in the wedding favors and more about what we get for attending.
Japanese are not this way. They place more value in the meaning of the wedding favors than the actual favors themselves. It's all about saying "thank you" for attending the wedding and for providing luck to the couple. To refuse them this right is more than offensive. It's the Japanese equivalent of shunning, receiving a blow to the face, or someone saying hello to someone who recognizes them but quickly ignores them. It's so rude it's just not done.
My suggestion is to figure out which description best fits the family. There are other Japanese wedding traditions which can be incorporated into the wedding if you want to blend both worlds. The wedding favors is not one I would shirk on.
If the couple is dead-set on a charitable donation, ask that the wedding guests make a donation in lieu of wedding gifts.