Who Walks The Bride Down The Aisle
Blended families are a normal part of life these days, but when it comes to deciding who walks the bride down the aisle—father or step-father—it can be anything but a "normal" decision. However, there are some guidelines to follow to help make the decision.
Guideline for Walking Bride Down Aisle:
The first thing to keep in mind is that walking the bride down the aisle or "giving the bride away" is a place of honor.
- Keeping that in mind, if a bride’s biological father has passed away and she is close to her step-father, she may have him walk her down the aisle.
- If her father is alive and she has a healthy relationship with him, she should give him the privilege of giving her away.
- In cases where there is a poor relationship with her biological father, the choice is really up to the bride to determine who to ask to walk her down the aisle. While it may be a touchy decision, the bride must do what she believes is appropriate in that situation and ask herself: who deserves that place of honor?
- It is always appropriate to give honor to the parents who raised you—whether biological or step.
Even if the bride’s relationship with her father or step-father is strained, she can still give him a place of honor at the reception, by having the wedding band include a special father-daughter dance. By handling these decisions with grace and appreciation for each man, the bride can diffuse any hurt feelings and include both in her most special day.
Yes, but what if the step father is a deadbeat and the grandfather has bought the bride a car, paid for school, and covered many of the family expenses over the years? Should the bride consider the grandfather?
The real question any bride should ask when deciding who walks her down the aisle is this "who's actions provide the stability, love, and support of a "father figure" in the crucial and day to day aspects of her life." For some it will be their father, for other a step-fathers and in many cases it will be a grandfather, an uncle, a brother, a brother-in-law and even a family friend. Keep in mind giving the bride away is an honor and not a requirement. The bride is not required to have her father give her away. It is the bride"s way to honor the person who provided stability, love, support and guidance in her life. So, if her grandfather is the person who provided all of these things then he should be the one to give her away.
I'm getting married in June, and my father has never been a big part of my life. My seventeen year old brother is doing the honors, and I couldn't be more pleased.
Krystle, that's wonderful! First, congratulations. Second, what prompted you to choose your brother? I think it's a very sweet idea.
I am getting married in March and I am SO confused about who to choose to walk me down the aisle. My dad and I are not as close much anymore I pretty much only see him on the holidays, but we are trying to get past all of that and move forward and be in each others lives as much as possible. He also bought my wedding dress. My step father has been in my life for 12 years and he has taken care of me and he considers me his daughter. However, we have had many differences lately. They both have mentioned having an interest in walking me down the aisle and giving me away. I was going to have them both walk me down the aisle because I love them both and dont want to hurt their feelings. However, the church aisle is not big enough 🙁 .. so what should I do? How do I choose between the man that gave me life and has pretty much been shut out of my other siblings lives and the man that has raised me but we have quite a few differences?
Confused, you definitely have quite the dilemma. How would I solve this dilemma? I would not base my decision on the here & now. Instead I would have the person who contributed the most to my life – the person who supported me emotionally, financially & spiritually – the person who had the most impact on who I have become and not necessarily who I am getting a long with "at the moment" – walk me down the aisle.
You won't have to leave the other father out. You can create a special moment in the ceremony in which he can participate. If you have part of the ceremony where the parents light the unity candle, let the father who didn't walk you down the aisle participate in this part of the ceremony. Or have him read a special poem or bible verse during the ceremony. Or let him make the first toast during the wedding reception.
As long as you let both men know how special they are to you, I'm sure they will be willing to come to a compromise.
An unconventional solution would be to have the two men walk in front of you down the aisle. One father could escort place the groom's hand in yours as the other father gives your hand to the groom.
You are evidently a very caring individual and both men are lucky to have you as their daughter.
I have a very similar dilemma! My mother and father divorced when i was 4 years old (now i am 24)…. it was very amicable split.
My brother and i visited my bio dad every weekend, however he has much more in common with my brother and is very close to him and i had become increasingly close to my step dad.
So at about age 12 i would only go and see bio dad every 3-4 weeks. i just felt bored when i was there because my brother and dad got on so well…i just felt better when i was at "home" with mother and step father.
Now obviously i was living with my mother and step dad, so i became increasingly close to my step dad… he did all the "dad" things, drove me everywhere to meet friends before i could drive, taught me to drive, bought my first car etc.
Now although my bio dad is my dad and i do lve him, i am very close to my step dad, who has really brought me up since i was 4/5.
I am getting married next year and this issue has really worried me…. i know deep down i want my step dad to give me away but i don't want to hurt my bio dad…. especially as my bio dad has not ever done anything wrong to upset our relationship.
My step dad feels uncomfortable with the two of them walking me down… which i had suggested. He says he s happy either way… but he feels that this is a "one man job" what should i do……??
Have you discussed the situation with your biological father? If not, it is very clear that you feel your step-father is your real choice. That doesn't mean you can include your bio-dad in a very special part of the wedding. For instance you can have your step dad walk you down the aisle and have your bio-dad read a special bible verse or poem immediately after your step dad hands you to the groom. This way both men are a very special part in your wedding.
My father wasnt a big part of my life until about 6yrs ago which was also the around the time that my mother got remarried.. Bothmy father and stepfather have been there for me in a lot of different ways since then…
Ive been thinking about this question since I got engaged… I keep coming to the solution that maybe my step dad should walk me halfway down the aisle and then my dad actuall do the honors of giving me away… is this too confusing?
My husbands daughter wants both her father and step father to walk her down the isle. He does not want to share this moment. His heart is broken. It is the only this he is asking for. It means everything to him. She is insistent on them both walking. I don't think she really realizes how much it hurts him. The step father had been good to her for the most part but he came onto her life at 18. Please give your opinion.
Hi Dimas,
We understand your concern and why your husband is upset. Our children are precious to us. However, it is important to remember that it is the bride's day, and if she wants both her father and step-father to walk her down the aisle, it would be best to do both. They are both important to her, and she wants them to be included on her big day. You may reach out to her and let her know your concern for your husband's feelings. She may be willing to plan something special for just her and your husband at the reception. Best wishes!